So Sick And Tired of Dealing With Silly Women

Now this might sound like a rant. And in a way, I guess it is. I am sick and tired of dealing with silly women; especially when I have painstakingly made it clear what I am looking for, and taken into consideration what a woman says she is looking for. I'm not asking for much. I only want a woman that will love me as I love her; and that I can build a future and a family with. A life companion.

So why waste months of my time and resources, if she is not really interested in me? Is it just another sad tale of a sucker being swindled on the INTERNET? I'd like to think that at my age, and with my background I am rather savvy when it comes to human nature and the manipulations and games that people play on each other. There are easier marks out there than me. And to put that kind of time into so little monetary gain (yes I did give up a little cash) just doesn't make sense. I truly believe that the object of my latest romantic fiasco really wants the good things she says she wants out of life-- a better job, someone that loves her, and to make a family. But she is her own worst enemy in that she expects not to have to make any personal sacrifice to get there. And is also too easily distracted by shortsighted yearnings for material things.

I said many times that I was willing to help her straighten out her personal financial issues. But I was not going to carry her. I insisted that she take some personal responsibility over her own past actions that led her to this spot, to stop hemorrhaging so much money from her personal budget. Not being a rich man, I have to make my money count. I cannot abide MY money being wasted. She needed to fix the leaks in her dam before I was going to keep throwing money at it. However, apparently this was not aligned with her personal view of what I should be doing for her.

In the ensuing argument, she also made it known that she still has feelings for and has been considering going back to her ex. You're probably thinking that, as online relationships go, this is pretty pedestrian; keeping in mind that I am in England, she is in Indonesia, and he is in China. What I find hard to get my head around is that he hasn't lifted a finger to help her since he went to China. But here I've been, playing Captain Save-A-Ho. And because I won't help with one selfish thing that she wants, I get the heave-ho?

This raises questions in my mind. Has this all been an illusion I've spun in my mind? Did she ever really give a damn about me at all? Was I just fooling myself with some ephemeral fantasy as intangible as the internet through which our communications travelled? Why is it I attract this narcissistic self absorbed (and often self destructive) personality type?

I'd be the first to admit that I'm no saint. I've dated a LOT of women in my time. And I'd like to think I've learned something from them. But for every piece of the puzzle that I get, about women, I get two new pieces that don't fit. If there is a man out there that truly understands women, i dare him to prove it. Anyhow, I understand my liability in so often ending up with this type of woman. I remember the 'good clean girls' that I've messed over or simply overlooked as being boring, in the past. This type of woman is usually crazy in some fashion and often erratic; which makes them FUN and KEEPS ME ON MY TOES. And the sex is usually pretty damn good. This was all well and good when i was a young man. But as I got older and stopped looking for this type of woman, I still seem to find them or they find me. Even in this case, when I looked for a woman on the other side of the planet. I still get one.

So here I sit, just turned 40, still single, never been married, with one kid that I can hardly communicate with (thanks to her mother-- no truer quote than hell hath no fury like a woman scorned). And I can't help but reflect back on my long dating history, the choices I've made, the things that I've done, the places I've been, even things that were beyond my control. That have led me to this point. I would like to go back to the beginning, taking a walk down memory lane examining my interactions with women looking for insight. If you will indulge me in this journey of introspection, maybe I will find some answers or at least be able to put a new perspective on why I keep getting these crazy women.